I woke up strong and early today. All my life I’ve felt like I’ve been sleepwalking, ungrateful for the love of my family and friends. Then drugs came into the picture and I found a solution to the fact that I can’t do life. I never could. I was created by perfect love with a deeply flawed character.

It’s ironic that overcoming addictiongave me the foundation to face this diagnosis: stage four rectal cancer. I rely on Christ for direction, guidance, and comfort. I do not, however, go to church. I believe in an intimate relationship with the creator. Tooday In prayer I forgave cancer for trying to kill me and in Christ’s name asked that it be cast out.

I am currently meeting a friend for coffee as I write. It goes back to an intuitive thought I recieved immediately upon diagnosis. This thought said, “Spend as much time as you possibly cannnwith other people.” Of course, at the time I had no idea what the import of that thought was. I do now.

There are countless instances of wherein nausea and the wide array of symptoms related chemotherapy and cancer are treated by the simple act of genuine human interaction. I recall one instance in which I was to speak at an a.a. meeting very eary one morning following a night of intense nausea, vommiiting, etc.A few friiends showed up very early to take me to the meeting- I was on the verge of cancelling. The meetiing was quite sone distance away, and my symptos vanished in the midst of intense, authentic sharing.

This phenomenon cannot be explained medically, only through the sunlight of the holy spirit.